Before I got my first full-time job in book publishing, I went on a lot of interviews. Nine months’ worth. I would get past the job application and the screening interview, I’d make it to the first or second round of in-person interviews, but there’d always be some reason the imprint or agency went with another candidate. I was not a naturally gifted interviewee then, and this only became more true with each rejection. At the deepest, darkest point in this constant cycle of hope and failure, I got so bad that I’d clench up before I even sat down in the hiring manager’s office, hoping against hope that they’d like me. (I wrote about this in greater depth for Babes Who Hustle.)
Sometimes we as writers get paralyzed by similar fears and what-ifs. What if they reject my pitch? What if they tell me my manuscript needs a lot of work?
What if… they don’t like me?
Because that’s the real question, deep down, isn’t it? Am I likeable? Am I enough? What if I’m not?
Don’t get me wrong. Querying is hard. Pitching is hard. Heck, writing is hard. But I think that tying the rejection of our work to the rejection of ourselves only deepens this fear paralysis. It’s hard not to see a rejection of our work as a rejection of ourselves because this work in some ways is us. It has come from our minds, often with a little help from our hearts.
The only way I know to get over this fear of failure and rejection is to increase the number of times you get rejected.
Counterintuitive, I know, but think about it in terms of Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hours. If you can’t be a master violinist without practicing for 10,000 hours, you’re likely to hit a few wrong notes along the way. You’re also likely to build up calluses that protect your fingertips and make you a stronger performer. The same—the likelihood of error and the inevitability of building a protective shell—goes for being a professional writer.
So, increase the number of times you pitch, query, and submit, and always keep writing, but as you do, change your mindset from one that fears failure to one that welcomes learning. If we treat rejection not as failure, but as a lesson to learn from, we can improve our performance and the way we present ourselves moving forward.
Ultimately, at the end of my job hunt, I wound up working with lovely people in a great role at St. Martin’s Press. How? I had learned enough to realize that clenching and (over)preparing were not my friends. I went into that particular interview as myself, with no pretenses; no rehearsed, canned answers, and it was a yes. I got the job.
With all of this in mind, I present you with a challenge:
This week, make three attempts toward your current writing goal.
Maybe you submit a short story to three different journals. (Here are Entropy Mag’s and Duotrope’s lists of journals currently accepting submissions.)
Maybe you pick three agents to query or you ask for feedback from three friends.
Comment below right now with what you’re going to do and how you’re going to do it. Then, a week from now, I want you to comment again with how it went. For now, don’t focus on what the outcome might be. Even if it’s a no, you can learn from it.
After all, the only definite no is the chance you don’t take.
Related Pep Talks: